The highs, the 'not so' highs and the Emotional conundrums of adult life!

At the risk of stating the obvious, I'd like to note that it has indeed been a while since I visited this space. As I begin to write this piece I have a very vague idea of what I want to convey and that makes me feel like a painter about to attack a blank canvas.

In recent years passed, writing has become the medium I feel I can express myself best in. I have always been one to keep my emotions, troubles and dilemmas internal and writing has emerged as the creative outlet for those. Though I am always looking to update my blog whenever something significant happens in my life (Pretty much everyday), I get tied up with the routines in my life and am unable to do so. What prompted this post was a one liner facebook message from a dear friend saying, "Everyone is awaiting an update in your well-constructed, lucid English." This was very unexpected since I considered this blog merely a personal diary, knowing very well that it was entirely public.

It's been 4 months since my foray into working life; It has been a gradual adjustment of sorts. Getting used to sleeping on time and waking up early every morning(quite the opposite of an erratic college schedule), managing the limited hours after work to pack in chores, socializing, workouts, other hobbies etc while the biggest adjustment of all has been living amongst college students when I have been the sole one working. Being a very social being, I thrive on human contact and interaction but that's something that's harder to find when you're on a strict 8-6 schedule none of your peers are on. At first I'd feel the need to set up dinners and movies every day to satisfy this need of mine but it was hard to keep up (I too, know only a limited number of people) as college kids (As I should have known well myself) are on their own trip. However it wasn't long before I actually started enjoying the time off work, just doing things myself; Working out, playing sports, reading, composing videos, cooking etc. The human interaction followed itself. I was watching a really good Bollywood film recently called 'Three Idiots' and one of the protagonists goes on to exclaim, "One shouldn't chase success but one should chase excellence." The comment is not cryptic at all and easily understandable and true. However that statement transcends to everything one might do, from striving for excellence in ones hobbies, interests and sports to less trivial things like being good with people, getting girls(hehe) and ones own annoying habits. I think a lot of us are consciously aware of our drawbacks but tend to push them to the background because we're afraid we wouldn't be able to correct them. As a little example, I have always been very active and can proudly say that I can play pretty much any sport. Though I am not a champion in any one sport but i am good enough to put up a tough fight. Recently, while playing a pick up soccer game on an open air astroturf pitch, I was being my usual self, playing and joking around with everybody when one guy, obviously frustrated and unknowing of my ways on a sporting field says, "You're horrible man, why don't you leave!" In all these years of playing sport with inumerable people, I have never ever had anyone say something like that to me, and even if I did, iit was never serious enough. I obviously got riled up and was in his face and wanted to walk off, but after cooling down on the sidelines for a bit, i had a point to prove and i played on...

... For those who know me even decently well, then they know that it's hard to keep me angry for long. Either it's because I have great inner forgiving strength or it's because I just have a very short memory, I don't know. But this time, I was thinking of it; I was thinking about the comment when I went to bed, when I went to work the next day and over the weekend. I was upset at my roommate because I felt he should have supported me and helped me knock the living bajeezes out of this guy. I was annoyed, I wanted to smash this guy's face. I didn't want to let go this one time. After all its not too often that an off color incident lingers in my memory, but this time it was. I was excited in a way. If only i saw him again, i'd actually pick a fight i thought. It took a few days for me to realize why this had such an impact on me and at some point I realized it's because somewhere I have always set myself a standard. I always have fun and take things lightly but when the occasion calls for it I give it whatever It takes. It's a standard for commitment that I have set very high and hardly find in people around me. At that moment it struck me, that maybe I need to combine that commitment with an equally strong desire for excellence! I am at Nirvana again, but that guy will one day get the answers, not with my fist or my boot, but with the way I play on the field..

Getting away from the specifics and trying to keep this piece abstract,(Isn't that what makes great paintings?) I'd like to talk about the topic of this blog post. What do I mean by the highs, the 'not so highs' and the Emotional conundrums of Adult life? Well some of it is understandable right? We can all agree that no individual's existence is devoid of hardship? Hardship, whether it's intellectual,physical, spiritual or emotional, is existent in everyone's life that depresses, saddens and upsets. On the other end of the spectrum are the high moments, the joys, the moments of bliss, peace and happiness and true internal contentment. What I decide to call the hardships or the lows then are The 'not so highs'. Isn't it ironic that when something bad happens to us, it might seem like the end of the world, but when put in perspective with respect to incidents in other people's lives or even with other 'bad' incidents as we age, they seem childish almost? That's not saying that we shouldn't feel angry or frustrated or upset (That's but natural and healthy) but rather at some point during that outburst finding some inspiration or maybe telling one self that worse things are bound to happen might make getting through the sadness easier. (With your right hand pat your heart and say 'All Izzz Well''. It's easier said than done, but a conscious effort could only help.

On a slightly different note, one thing I am sure of is that I am not an illegitimate child. I am truly my mom's son. Traits of wanting to please people and staking her heart for their happiness have been traits that I always revered and admired in her but at the same time couldn't understand. As children when we went on trips, she wouldn't find it hard to strike up a conversation with the Mahut of the Elephant one moment and the owners of a super luxury hotel the other. On the flipside, I also saw her suffer a lot, a tremendous amount. She'd put herself out there time and agaim and then would be left hanging by clients, friends and even her children at times. I wouldn't understand, I would cry with her, urge her to stop doing so but even before I knew it, she would be smiling again. It was almost like nothing happened! The early signs of my adult behavior have been eerily similar to hers but I get succor from the fact that at the end of the day whatever the hassles in her life, she can take the moment for what it is, and put on that smile that's just a little flower blossom or raindrop away.. I'd rather be hurt and happy that way then wallow in my own sorrow..

I am not sure how I got to that last paragraph, but it had something to do with my mental and emotional construct. One of my beliefs is that relationships of all sorts need work and open communication; It's when that communication either breaks down or is not transparent enough that cracks start appearing and a relationship starts slipping. I think we all crave human loving and affection, but most of us are not willing to either put in the time or the effort into getting that back or some of us don't even realize what we might be doing wrong. In today's world where Facebook birthday wishes are considered enough and a drunk friendly banter at a party makes you 'close' pals with someone, as a society, we are slowly and unkowingly losing the skill set to deal with others in normal situations in person. It's scary how many people i meet that cant keep a conversation going without drinking or without talking about regualar fluff (weather, sports, what sucks). We might not admit it but we all crave actual and meaningful human interaction. The lesson being, lets not get carried away with all that we are occupied with and try to do the small things that not only matter and impact others but keep a very important skillset intact as well. So go on pick up the phone call somebody. Anybody. Even if it's for trivial matters, Instead of texting it to them just say it to them. Easy (You don't have any minutes left, fine find someone with your same carrier). It's ought tomkill many birds with one stone!

Having sounded like a philosopher and a thinker for the best part of this blog, I must however confess that I am hardly one. In person, I probably don't appear more serious than a 4 year old (If you're my girlfriend), 7 year old (If you're my roommate)or a 15 year old (If you're an acquaintance or a decent friend). I seem to attract more than my share of misfortunes; countless tickets, a near lost passport, a rear-ended accident, missed flights (making it hard to get back to work on time) etc. But Adventures have been a step ahead of the misfortunes and it's been a truly epic 4 months. Some of the highlights include but are not limited to: Working for Delta Airlines (getting access to free flights anywhere), My first foray into being an enterpreneur with a dear childhood friend, critic and confidante Udayan Kapur as joint partners in our alternative apparel company called TOLDOS (www.toldosapparel.com), Winning Campus Movie Fest with our 5 minute movie titled 'Whispers of Shaitaan' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5sb61j7Bb4), Mardi Gras in New Orleans, A 3 day Electronica heaven (Ultra Music Festival-Miami, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqxRwdW8kxE&feature=), White Water Rafting on the Ocoee river and many more small yet significant moments. I tell you, I am intrigued by what's in store for me ahead..

I was talking to an old employer of mine yesterday who lost his wife recently. I had gone over to pay my respects and he had taken the whole thing in his stride. He was open and cheerful and we freely discussed what it was like and how it feels losing someone you care for so dearly and how he is creating a new life without her. Among other things, he started talking about how one shouldn't chase money and I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly I retorted by saying, "I don't want to chase success Mr. Grey, I want to chase perfection of some sort." I find that interesting because somewhere in my subconscious I have decided that I am going to strive for excellence in my life. It might not have a clear definition or form in my head right now, but I am surely going to have a good time getting there!!


I intend to write a little more frequently in the coming months. I thoroughly enjoy writing and am actually going to be a section editor for GT's newspaper, The Technique, beginning Fall 2011 (http://www.nique.net/). The appointment came as a pat on the back for what I thought was merely me being delusional in that I can write. The appointment prompted me to delay my graduation, continue my co-op with Delta another semester and give writing and managing a whole newspaper section a shot. Who knows, maybe writing has big things in store for me? Or maybe I have big things in store for writing? Only time will tell..

Till then, Brace yourselves for the ride that is life! :D

(Pictures will be posted soon)