The modern day relationship

Society, we all complain, isn’t the same anymore. There is always a shortage of time, technology has infiltrated all realms of our world and relationships are viewed very differently.

As a young adult who grew up in this changing world, I have seen the idea of relationships evolve. I am old enough to have heard stories of and seen movies of lovers having to wait weeks, months and sometimes even years to hear from each other because of the distances, limited communication methods and the lack of technology as we know it today. On the flipside I am also young enough that I have been a part of this wave of change that has given birth to the modern day relationship.

The internet was a huge breakthrough for mankind. Information from anywhere was available anywhere else instantly. E-mail was even bigger, people being able to send virtual letters to others with immediate access. Then came chat, video conferencing, social media, smart phones, cloud computing, etc. etc.

I still remember how my parents were flabbergasted when I wanted to get a mobile phone (cellphone) in 10th grade. I had held back the urge to ask for one until I saw every one of my peers in school get one. After much resistance and furor they eventually relented, making it very clear how big a deal it was and how much responsibility the phone brought with it….

Soon after I met Sana in England, I was back in India and she was still in England. Having just met an incredible girl, the only means I had to foster any relationship with this person was through the plethora of options available via the web. We started off by exchanging facebook messages. These messages kept growing in length and we would eagerly await the other person’s message every morning as we woke up. Soon we added to our daily facebook messages, msn chat (Instant messaging or IM), helping us talk in present tense. We had our first cross country phone call and soon added another dimension to our ‘relationship’: Skype. Little did I know at the point that Skype was to single handedly change my life…

As me and her continuously moved countries, she went to Pakistan then to Saudi Arabia. I went from India back to the US, our communication only picked up in intensity and volume. Despite the vast time differences and cultural differences of the places we were in, on the web nothing mattered. Our facebook messages had reached monumental lengths and had become a treasure trove of memories in themselves, 6-8 hour skype sessions abound, emails, g-chat’s, you name it we did it.

Over the course of the next few years I was to meet Sana about 7-8 times and the rest of it was a virtual long distance relationship. People asked me many times how I did it and though I do agree that we both put a lot into the relationship, at the end of the day the ease of access to modern technology had a major role in aiding our long distance love.

During this phase, facebook and twitter became hugely popular and smartphones i.e. Iphones, blackberry’s, Android’s became common place. Phones came with App’s for mail, chat, skype and what not. Technology was being integrated like never before. You were getting email on your phone, on your tablet and if you hadn’t still been able to check it, it was there on your traditional laptop or computer. 2G came, 3G came and now we have 4G.

What I soon started to notice was that the traditional phone call had become rather rare. I had unlimited texting but the lowest amount of minutes on my phone plan myself. We were updating our statuses, tweeting before things happened, bbm’ing (Blackberry’s messenger service), texting, but we were hardly interacting with each other in the traditional manner. On any given birthday, you could find hundreds of generic “Happy Birthday” messages on someone’s facebook. Yet at the same person’s birthday party, with the same people attending, there were long moments of awkward silence and fidgeting with phones. Was the art of conversation dying? Had we gone so overboard that we didn’t know how to interact with one another without technology?

I downloaded an app on my iphone called ‘Words with friends’. It’s like scrabble and you can play with friends who have the app or through facebook. You make a move and then wait till the other player makes a move. This can happen over a few hours, days or even weeks. It’s quite nice actually. The app has an interesting little feature wherein you can chat with the person you are playing the game with. I found this interesting because even within a game there was a little chat feature and I actually found myself having some real conversations with my friends including someone who told me they were quitting their banking job in New York to move to New Delhi to pursue Indian classical dance.

My initial skepticism to this overload of technology dialed down a little when I discovered an app called ‘What’s App’! It’s a cross platform messenger service (Iphone, Android, blackberry etc.) that you can download on your phone and uses the internet to send messages. However it is linked to your phone number so wherever you might go, it still recognizes you as the user. I myself am perplexed about some of the nuances of this app. I started using the app because some of my friends are based outside the US and me being a lover of instant texts/messaging found this a great outlet to talk with these people. What I noticed very soon was that having something like ‘what’s app’ made me share many more things with these same people. With the time differences and the effort it takes to make a phone call, I found it easier to leave messages on ‘what’s app’ and engaged in deep, meaningful conversations across the globe that I was earlier saving till when I met them once or twice a year.
It was one particular incident that made me realize the power of these tools. In a period that spanned 12 or so hours starting with me attending a party, sleeping, waking up early to go to work, going and working on my project with my team, catching up with a friend, getting lunch and then ending up in my room, I found myself engaged in an altogether different conversation with a friend in India. At no point did this person know about what all I was doing but it made me realize that I was able to have a conversation without any distractions so as to speak. Wasn’t that the art of communication anyway; to give one your undivided attention and be an attentive listener? Had technology been an enabler in a weird way in this case?

As I moved from Atlanta to Beirut to New Delhi to Singapore, I was always connected. Sharing videos, pictures and messages of my experiences almost immediately with the people I cared about. I also started using Skype on my Iphone and noticed how that opened up a completely new realm of communication for me. What I was losing in terms of distance I realized could be made up for if technology were used to its true potential.

I caught up with a friend of mine in New Delhi and a conversation with him instilled my faith in what I feel is the way forward for relationships in this global world. This friend of mine hops between Mozambique, Houston and New Delhi on business through the year. He recently met a girl through a friend of his and like me started talking to her on ‘Words with Friends’. Once they realized they were exchanging paragraphs and paragraphs they moved their conversations to g-chat (Gmail’s chat service). Once that wasn’t enough, they started using what’s app (The girl was in Singapore all the while). Over the next 5 months, without ever meeting, they opened up to each other like they hadn’t to anyone else and chatted for hours on end while they went about their independent lives in very different lands, disconnected by distance but connected by technology. Over a breakfast meeting in Delhi when they finally met, it took all his courage to stammer his feelings to her. As of a few weeks ago, they started dating!

When I heard the story, it made me extremely happy. It felt great to hear another story like mine. To know that relationships could be fostered despite distances. Despite the advances in technology, relationships will still require the same things they did before. Time, effort and care are key ingredients to successful platonic and romantic relationship that have remained the same over decades. Only the means seem to be changing.

Today we live in a world where it is almost impossible to find oneself disconnected from the world. Technology is too seamless and well distributed for us to be able to make excuses of a lack of time and means. Now more so than ever, we can easily stay in touch with those we care for!

In the golden days of Indian film, they showed female protagonists waiting years for their lovers to return from war or far off work assignments. Their love was unadulterated, infinite and relentless but the ecstasy they received in reunion is something I feel envious about. It is hard to imagine not communicating with the beloved people in our lives for that long isn’t it? Relationships are not the same anymore, they never will be! However we all still pine for them and cannot make any excuses of distance or time for not pursuing healthy, meaningful and deep friendships!

My flight lands in an hour and I hope to text a friend when I land, share a photo with Sana in Saudi, what’s app my business partner in Delhi, leave a facebook message for my cousin sister returning to Sydney and email the friends I met in Singapore a few days ago! Multiple individual relationships spanning different places and people, this is the very essence of what I am talking about!

The Perfect Country?!

$1000 fine for spitting, $100,000 for cutting a tree, life imprisonment for possession of a gun; Sounds like quite the idyllic place right? In fact the one city country, Singapore, seemed just that!

On my way back to the US for my last semester at school, I decided to fly back eastwards from India, stopping in Singapore for a day. What a splendid decision it turned out to be!

Flying on a poorly managed overnight Air India flight from Delhi to Singapore, I was at least thankful that the flight was empty and I got 4 seats to myself to sleep on. The decision to fly to Singapore was a sudden one and the last time I did something on a whim was when I went to Lebanon. Though I had a great time, the Lebanese weren’t the most efficient or hospitable people I have met in the world.
I was landing in Singapore without a plan or hotel room. Getting past immigration, I picked up my bag and looked around to find a place to book myself a hotel. Very conveniently located in the main atrium at Singapore’s Changi airport was the hotel reservation desk and the kind lady was chatty and helped me find a hotel, that according to her was, “The best deal of the day.” A very convenient shuttle service for 9 SKD (1USD=1.3SKD) took me straight to my hotel in an area called Tanjor Pagar, close to Chinatown and the business district. The driver of the little bus was happy to have a person to talk to and we chatted about Singapore’s attractions, its strict rules and the like. The lesson to learn was, “If you have money Singapore is the best country, if you don’t its hell.” I wasn’t too sure about that.
It was still only 10 am when I reached the hotel and was able to get an early check in; +1 to Singapore efficiency and hospitality. The room was indeed “the best deal” for the price I paid. It had all modern day amenities, a plush bed and a lavish bathroom. I figured I’d nap before I hit the streets as I wasn’t planning to sleep at night…

Once ready I took a cab to the famous Orchard road known for its shopping and crowds of people. The cabbie dropped me at a shopping complex called Takashimaya. En route I had already been impressed with the ‘automated toll taker’ installed in every car, bike, truck in Singapore for when vehicles were entering zones which were tolled so as to speak. The Orchard road area was tolled and the cabbies couldn’t just drop passengers anywhere but had to do in designated areas.

Takashimaya was a multileveled mall with top end brands attracting tourists and locals alike. There was definitely a bustle here. As I walked out the other end of the mall, I was on Orchard road. I could see shops and malls as far as I could see. One thing that is very striking about Singapore is the greenery around. There are tall trees, gorgeous floors and well-manicured plants everywhere you go. This road was no different. Walking amongst the crowd, the one thing I was on the lookout was for some local fare. My friends had told me to find hawker stands and food courts that served all sorts of delicious treats. Singapore is home to Malaysians, Chinese, Thai, South Indians and thus local cuisine comprises of the best and most wonderful of foods from these lands. In a small shopping center I saw a little food court with 3-4 restaurants. I didn’t want to waste any more time and got straight to eating. I ordered what looked like strips of really moist and soft chicken on a bed of very fragrant rice. The meat had been sliced from boiled and baked chickens that were hanging whole at the tiny restaurant. The simple meal, accompanied by a very tangy spicy sauce was delicious and cost only 3.5 SKD. I drank what was a green tea iced tea infused with condensed milk.

As I was exiting this little shopping center, an Indian man in a garment store caught my attention and I found myself in a suit store. The next thing I know I was amidst a very serious sales effort from the man from south india, named Adam. I had promised myself I wouldn’t shop but found it almost impossible to resist a great deal on a tailored suit. Every time I tried to exit the shop the salesmen would slash the price and lure me right back in. My resistance was meek and in my mind I reasoned that I needed to buy 1 suit and 5 shirts for when I start my job!

A few hours spent negotiating and selecting what I wanted to buy had gotten me hungry again. On a recent food visit to Chandni Chowk in New Delhi, my aunt and I had tried the small plate concept, sampling little portions of food at multiple locations in the process being able to try a variety of things. I was keen on doing the same and came across another, larger open air food court on Orchard road. My eyes fell on a guy selling soup. I ordered myself a meatball soup. He placed two big pieces of lettuce, some spring onions, poured a hot clear soup on top and put in the pork meatballs. This was a very light and flavorful meal and I devoured it down observing the locals around me enjoying the fare as much as I was.

It was dusk now and I wanted to go to the Marina Bay area for what I was told would be great views of the skyline. I took a bus from where I was and was impressed by the order and efficiency. Display boards at the bus stop displayed arrival times for every bus, commuters swiped a card when they got on and swiped it again when leaving, and everyone respected each other’s space.

The Marina building is a might impressive building that has three towers with a ship like structure going across on top. “Shopping at Marina Bay’ was a beautiful looking mall with highly aesthetic interiors, an artificial lake with boats running at the lowest level and countless people enjoying an evening out. As I exited the mall on the other side from where I entered, I was met by a fabulous view of the Singapore skyline across the river. On my side, hundreds of people were gathered to watch a light and sound show being projected on a spray of water just beyond the deck. The projections, lasers and the dance of the fountains with the dramatic background in the back made this a wonderful scene. Locals had come out with families and were lying down and sitting down on the sprawling two leveled deck overlooking the show.

I managed to get a round of dumplings and an interesting mango shrimp fried snack at the mall before I left. After marveling at the architecture around a bit more I headed to my hotel on the metro. The metro just like the buses and the taxis was equally efficient and easy to use. You could recycle your metro card once you got off to get the 1SKD deposit (Part of ticket price) back. Very clear indications on the track and in the train ensured you couldn’t miss your train even if you tried. Singapore has very strict rules and is very harsh on offenders. I was starting to believe that this was a good thing as people enjoyed and respected the land a lot more as a result.

My flight out of Singapore to Japan was at 6 am and I had decided not to sleep. After freshening up, I made my way to the famous Clark Quay. I was starving by now and was looking forward to getting a good local meal. It is hard to describe Clark Quay. It was the area with all the bars/clubs and fun spots. The place was bustling with people of all age’s criss-crossing each other hopping from pub to bar to club. Sheesha bars, international cuisine, live music, you name it and this place had it. The center of the entire area had this fascinating fountain and imposing structure. Had I been here on any other night I would have been overjoyed but I was looking to get local fare and this was not the place for that. After a while of looking around I decided to get a beer at a pub. Oh all of Singapore I was told by one of the cabbies, loves Manchester United or MU as they call them fondly. Watching the game and sipping on some beer indoors a live one band came on. After enjoying a few songs I decided to move to another bar called Octapas; cleverly named as it served Spanish finger foods called Tapas.

The ambience here was better and I decided to cave in and ordered a plate of toast with goat cheese and serano ham with a pint of Tiger beer. The live band here was belting hits by lady gaga, U2 and Santana. Now over the disappointment of not finding the food I desired, I moved to another bar that had a very colorful rickshaw parked outside called Singapore Sling. This bar was empty barring one table inside. I perched on one of the tables with a long island iced tea as the singer of the band playing welcomed me to Singapore. As I sat and listened to her gorgeous voice, a boisterous group joined; Shyam, Raj and Michael, all Singaporean, the first two of Indian descent and the later of Chinese descent. They were locals at the bar and the singer was pleased to see them. What ensued thereon was a hilarious night. The three took a liking to me and started to chug drinks amongst themselves, slow dance with each other to John Mayer, and voicing their feelings loud and clear.

After a group photo with the lead singer (Sheesh I forget the name of the band), they took me to a club called ….. The club had a stage with a hip hop band singing everything from David Guetta, Justin Beiber to Jay Z. It was pretty hilarious. The group seemed to know the entire management as we took our first drinks with much of the staff. I had my first green tea and whiskey. Sounds odd but was surprisingly good. Sort of like the red wine and coke I had in Spain. The drinks kept coming and the emotions were high as the mighty Raj (he was big built) kept fist pumping me with all his might. After an hour or so I realized Raj had lost his friends and was really not in his senses. It was also time for me to go pick up my stuff and head to the airport but I decided to drop Raj home as he was in a bad state. If I remember correctly in a very odd moment, Raj sitting at the back, growled like he had been all night and bit of some of the seat! It was bizarre. It was raining hard and I the cabbie was occupied in an interesting conversation with me so he didn’t pay attention then.

I made it to the airport in time, hungry, tipsy and very satisfied. Singapore had been amazing. I had taken an instant liking to this small, diverse and rule loving country. A quarter of the 6 million Singapore population comprises of foreigners and expats and I can understand why. There is really something for everyone here. It is a hidden gem amongst the Asian giants. As I hear stories about young professionals working in different cities around the world and ponder over my future as well, it wasn’t hard for me to see a life here for a few years. I have been able to visit many countries and cities in the last few years and I have to say Singapore ranked high amongst my favorites London, New York City and Cape Town in terms of livability.

So if you need a tailored suit at a good price, I bet my friend Adam over on Orchard road in Singapore would be more than happy to make you a sale! “My friend, we go to god empty handed, spend today, get this great suit,” Adam said. Sold!